Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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