I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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