can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
