Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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