there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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