Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
