Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
