In the future we'll all be gay
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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