And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The ass gains better be worth it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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