and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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