So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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