we have officially lost it.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
