I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
