I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
