drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
