Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize