you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
