Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
