fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
