why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
