They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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