Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
