I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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