I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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