Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
