my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
