why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
