Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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