im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize