quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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