Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
that's an acceptable place to lick
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
