Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
