At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
