**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
