His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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