Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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