No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
