I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize