I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I AM VODKA MAN
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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