If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
