i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
