I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
