Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Randomize
