Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you win again, gameday.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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