Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
