she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
