why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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