Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize