That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
