last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
