woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
