Dual....:-)
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
