My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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