Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she peed on how many people?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
