My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
