wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Someone stole a lamp last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
