I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
