Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
