that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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