u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
