Porn is love you can see.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
