i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
