I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
