I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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