You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You ate ashes out of my bong
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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