tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You don't make any sense
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