Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
